Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will be naked everywhere
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
