I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
