Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
