Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
