i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she looked like the before picture.
Farmville is her only friend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
