man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize