After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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