I bet he comes in French.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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