so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
