She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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