If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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