he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
