Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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