Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
