I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
