the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
