i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
