Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
