yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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