dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
