Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
