At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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