She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
