I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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