I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
