Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
