I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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