I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
