Will you blow on my dice?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
