he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
