please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I could make wine with my vomit
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
