Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
