I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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