I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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