Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
