just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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