hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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