Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
