Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
