i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
