i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
