Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
