My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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