any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
FUCK WHALES
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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