you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
