I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
