i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
