Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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