I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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