i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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