I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
