it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need a beard to bite.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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