You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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