I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
