Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
