wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
