just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
