nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
