Define "chronic" masturbator.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
