were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
