Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
