anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
