I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
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Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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