The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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