they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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